Know what an open-ended question is. Before you can start effectively asking open-ended questions, you need to know what that is. An open-ended question is a question that requires a full answer using the subject's own knowledge or feelings. These questions are objective, don't lead the person being asked, and result in an answer with many words. Examples of open-ended questions are:
"What happened after I left?"
"Why did Jim leave before Susan?"
"How did everyone like the cake?"
"Tell me about your day at work."
"What do you think about the new season of this TV show?"
Don't ask closed-ended questions. A closed-ended question is answered in a short or single-word answer. They are used to obtain facts and specific pieces of information. Examples of closed-ended questions are:
"Who will you choose?"
"What brand of car do you own?"
"Did you speak to Bob?"
"Did Susan leave with Jim?"
"Did everyone finish all the cake?"
Closed-ended questions bring conversations to a halt. They don't invite people to elaborate, talk about themselves, or give the questioner any information about the questionee.
Recognize the characteristics of open-ended questions. Sometimes, people think they have asked open-ended questions when they haven't. To successfully ask open-ended questions in conversation, be knowledgeable of their characteristics.
They require a person to pause, think, and reflect.
Answers will not be facts, but personal feelings, opinions, or ideas about a subject.
When using open-ended questions, the control of the conversation switches over to the person being asked the question, which begins an exchange between the people. If the control of the conversation stays with the person asking questions, you are asking closed-ended questions. This technique makes it feel more like an interview or interrogation than a conversation.
Avoid questions that have the following characteristics: a the and answers are given quickly and require little to no thought. Questions that reflect these things are closed-ended.
Know the language of open-ended questions. To make sure you actually ask open-ended questions, you need to understand the language involved. Open-ended questions begin in very specific ways.
Open-ended questions begin with the following words: why, how, what, describe, tell me about..., or what do you think about...
Although "tell me about" does not begin a question, the result is the same as asking an open-ended question.
Closed-ended questions also have a specific language. If you want to avoid closed-ended questions, don't start questions with the following verbs: are/was, did/did, will, won’t, didn’t, aren’t, would, if.
Use open-ended questions for meaningful answers. One of the main reasons to use open-ended questions is to obtain deep, meaningful, and thoughtful answers. Asking questions in this way invites people to open up, because you are showing that you are interested in what they have to say.
Don't use closed-ended questions when you want meaningful answers. These questions can bring a conversation to a screeching halt. One word answers make it hard to build any kind of conversation or relationship. Closed-ended questions also usually provide inadequate answers as well.
Ask open-ended questions when you want detailed explanations to build off of.
Use open-ended questions to expand the conversation after asking a closed-ended question is to gather a fact or one word answer. Take the fact or one word answer, and build an entire conversation of open-ended questions from there.
Specify the boundaries. Open-ended questions can be too open sometimes. Wording is very important when asking open-ended questions, especially if you are looking for a certain type of answer.
If you're trying to set a friend up on a date, you might ask them, "What are you looking for in a person?" They might answer with physical characteristics, when you wanted them to talk about personality. Instead, ask a more specific question with parameters: "What personality traits are you looking for in a person?"
Try funneling questions. For this method, start with narrow, then transition to broad and open. This method is good if you are trying to get specific details from someone. It also works if you are trying to get someone interested in a topic, or trying to get someone to feel more confident.
If you're struggling to get the person to open up with broad open-ended questions, try narrowing the questions first and then make them broader after getting them into the conversation. An example of this would be when talking to your kids. You might ask a question like, "What happened at school today?" "Nothing" is the response. Follow-up with something like, "What writing assignments are you working on?" More than likely, this will spark a conversation.
Follow up. Use open-ended questions as follow ups for other questions. These follow ups can be asked after open or closed-ended questions.
Ask "why" and "how" to follow up and gain a lengthier answer after asking a closed-ended question.
When someone has finished talking, ask them an open-ended question that refers to what they just said, or is related to what they just said. This keeps the conversation flowing in an open and engaging way.
Connect with people. Open-ended questions are one of the best ways to connect with someone through conversation. Unlike closed-ended questions, open-ended questions encourage deeper, more meaningful exchanges between two people. Open-ended questions indicate the questioner is interested in listening to the questionee's response.
Ask these questions to find out more about a person. Many times, open-ended questions encourage people to talk about themselves. By asking follow up questions, you can continue discovering things about the person.
These questions can demonstrate care, compassion, or concern for someone else. Open-ended questions require more involved, personal answers. By asking "How are you feeling" or "Why are you crying?", you invite a person to share their feelings with you. Asking "are you okay?" just requires someone to answer "yes" or "no."
Ask open-ended questions to generate conversation with quiet, nervous, or new people. It could help them feel at ease and encourage them to open up.
Use open-ended questions to avoid pressuring, tricking, or influencing a person's response. Most open-ended questions are neutral questions. The way that closed-ended questions are worded can cause a person to feel pressured to answer a certain way. For example, a leading question might be, "Don't you think the dress is cute?", while a neutral open-ended question would be, "How do you like the dress?" Tags such as "isn't it?", "don't you?" or "can't they?" can turn questions into leading questions, suggesting that the person you're talking to agree with you. Don't use them with open-ended questions.
Be careful not to ask people questions that are too personal or require too much personal information. Gauge the questionee's comfort level when asking questions. If you ask a question that is too personal, just ask another, less personal question.
Ask questions that can have many responses. Open-ended questions are great for discussions. They encourage different answers, opinions, and solutions. They also encourage creative thinking and validate people's ideas.
Open-ended questions engage language skills in a sophisticated way. You can use open-ended questions with children and new language learners to help them stimulate their thinking and improve their language abilities.
Ask questions that encourage people to talk. Conversation is an art many people have trouble with. Talking to new people can be scary, but open-ended questions can help you encourage others to talk.
Use probes. Open-ended questions can be probing questions. There are two different methods to ask probing questions:
Probing for clarity. If you ask an open-ended question that results in a general answer, ask another open-ended question for clarity. For example, if you ask someone "Why do you like living here" and she responds, "because of the scenery," you can ask her an additional question for clarity, such as, "Which scenery?"
Probing for completeness. Once a complete, clear answer has been given to an open-ended question, you can ask more questions to get additional information. Examples of questions that probe for clarity are "What else do you like?" or "What other reason did you have?"
Don't use "Is there anything else?" This is a closed-ended question, and can result in a simple "no" answer.
Invite creativity. One of the results of open-ended questions is creativity. Certain types of open-ended questions require answers that encourage people to expand the limits of their thinking.
Some open-ended questions require predictions. Questions like, "Who will win the election" or "What effect would this candidate's election have on our state?" require people to come up with possible scenarios.
These questions also sometimes make people consider consequences. By asking someone, "What would happen if..." or "what would happen if you...", you are inviting them to think about the cause and effects of a given scenario.
Try to get them to ask you open-ended questions. This makes the conversation more even, and helps you take part in the conversation in a way other than asking questions. To get someone to ask you questions, try not giving all the details of a story or opinion at once.
Make sure to listen. Asking the right questions is pointless if you don't listen. Sometimes we are guilty of formulating the next question without paying attention to the answer to the first. You miss great opportunities for follow up questions if you do this. Make an effort to listen to the answer you asked for.
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A person who is uncomfortable answering open-ended questions either doesn't understand where you are going with it or doesn't really want to answer. You can try giving a little explanation. If they still resist, it may be that the answer is personal or otherwise its probably a topic your subject doesn't want to explore.
Open-ended questions may result in long, tedious answers. If you would like to keep them brief or relevant, be specific when asking the question.
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Becomean Author!Know the difference between destructive and constructive criticism. This is the first step to being able to deal with criticism. You have to know where the feedback is coming from and understand the intentions of the person who is giving it to you. If it's a teacher or a superior, then chances are the person only wants y but when it's coming from a supposed friend, a frenemy, or even an enemy, then you have to wonder whether or not the person has your best interest in mind.
If you're sure that the criticism is completely invalid, totally off, and only meant to hurt you, then you can skip down to the second section to learn how to deal with destructive criticism.
Constructive criticism is, ideally, meant to help you. Destructive criticism is only intended to cause hurt.
Try to focus on the message as well as the delivery. It's hard to see that a person really is telling you something legitimate that you can work on if he or she is yelling at you or just acting like you're a nuisance.
Accept that you're not perfect. This is a great way to deal with criticism. If you want to be able to take a little bit of feedback, then you can't keep thinking that you can do no wrong. Nobody's perfect, so if you think you're perfect, then you're nobody. (Har, har.) Okay, but seriously: every person has flaws, and if you don't see any of yours, then you're not analyzing yourself as closely as you should.
Make a list of your 10 biggest flaws. That's right. 10! Can you think of 10 things that need improvement? How about 15? This exercise isn't meant to make you fee it's only meant to make you see that you have room for improvement.
Think about all of the people you know. Can you name a single one who is perfect who isn't a movie star? And remember that even most movie stars have some flaws, however visibly small they may be.
Don't take it personally. If you want to know how to best deal with criticism, then you can't take it personally. If your boss says you've been a little less productive than usual lately, it's not because he thinks you' it's because he wants you, his employee, to step up your game. If your best friend says that you have a tendency to zone out when she's talking to you, don't think that she's calling you a horrible she just wants you to communicate a little better.
If the criticism is constructive, then it's intended to guide you and to help you improve as a person, not to bring you down and make you feel inadequate.
If your teacher has given you rather critical feedback on a paper, it's not because she thinks you're stupid
it's because she thinks you have some work to do when it comes to making an argument.
Work on being less sensitive. If you always find yourself crying, getting defensive, and feeling generally upset when someone gives you what was supposed to be helpful feedback, then you have to start thickening your skin. Work on accepting your flaws and being able to hear about some areas where you can improve. If you never improve, then you'll be flat-lining, and you don't want that, do you? Try to focus on the message and its intention to help you instead of focusing on all of the "mean" or "hurtful" things that were said to you.
Think about where the message is coming from. Chances are, your boss didn't just send you a terse email to be a jerk or to make you feel bad. He just probably wants you to do your job better.
Control your emotions. You don't have to tear up every time someone says a negative word.
Work on your reputation. If people think you are sensitive, they will be less likely to tell you the truth, and you don't want people to feel like they're walking around on eggshells whenever they talk to you.
Understand what you're really being told. If you want to deal with criticism, then you have to understand the message behind it. If you've determined that the criticism is meant to be constructive, then you have to break it down so you can start figuring out what to do next. Sometimes, you may be focused on the hurtful aspects of the feedback and your pride may be too wounded for you to see what is right in front of you.
Sure, you weren't happy with the "C" on your English paper. But was your teacher trying to tell you that you were stupid and a horrible writer? Probably not. She wanted to tell you to research your argument more, and to use more concrete evidence to back up your claims. It also wouldn't have hurt to actually meet the word limit, would it?
If your friend told you you're obsessed with yourself, sure that hurts. But could there be something helpful behind the message? Sure: your friend is telling you to be a little more empathetic, and to spend more time thinking about others and less time thinking about yourself.
See if there's some truth to it. If the feedback is coming from a person who has your best interest in mind, then you have to consider the possibility that there really is some truth to those words. It's even more likely if you've heard similar comments before. If ten people told you you were selfish, or if your last three girlfriends told you you were emotionally distant, then they can't all be wrong, can they? Take a moment to consider the possibility that this person is really on to something.
Make a game plan for addressing it. Okay, you've decided that your English teacher, boss, boyfriend, or best friend is completely right, or at least somewhat right. Now, you've got to write down the thing you need to work on, and make a plan for addressing it. This can take a long time, and it's never too late to start. Once you come up with a plan, a way of adjusting your expectations and actions, you can begin to address the criticism and become a better person.
If your English teacher is right about you needing to do more research, then make a point of spending twice as much time reading up on your sources before you come up with an argument next time.
If your boss tells you you're disorganized, work on organizing your desk, Inbox, and your spreadsheets until you feel more in control.
If your boyfriend tells you you're too needy, work on giving him some space by spending more time alone or with your girlfriends.
Thank the person for being honest (if he's also being kind). If you have received some criticism that was delivered in a friendly and helpful way, or just in a way that was meant to be honest and clear, then take the time to thank the person and to say that you appreciate the fact that the person told you something that can make you an even better friend, girlfriend, student, or professional.
Thanking people who give you honest criticism is also a sign of maturity. Suck it up and say "thank you" even if you're gritting your teeth.
Stop making excuses. If someone is giving you valid criticism, stop making excuses for why that person is completely wrong, especially if you know that there is some truth to what he or she is saying. If you get defensive and make excuses, then the person won't be able to finish telling you exactly what he or she means, and you won't get the information you need to really improve. It's natural that we feel defensive and get the feeling that we can do no wrong, but it's important to hear people out before you cut them off to prove you're perfect.
If someone is in the middle of telling you something you can do to improve, don't say, "But actually, I already do that..." unless you feel like the person is really off base.
If your teacher says you need to work harder, don't give her a lame excuse for why you've been slacking off. Instead, note the feedback and try to address it.
It takes maturity to stay quiet instead of making excuses for why the person is wrong when you're getting valid feedback.
Remember that constructive criticism can make you a better person. Sure, it's tough to deal with even the most well-meaning criticism, especially if you're convinced you're perfect and that you can do no wrong. But if you're so invested in being an awesome person, then remind yourself that being aware of your flaws and shortcomings and making a plan for addressing them will make you an even more amazing person.
The next time you hear some constructive criticism, embrace it! It's kind of like what Kelly Clarkson said: "Whatever (criticism) doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
Understand the person's true motives. If you have recognized the criticism as completely destructive and hurtful, then you can think about why the person might have said such a thing to make yourself feel better. Maybe the girl was jealous of your new outfit and said you dress like a skank. Maybe a guy said you're not a good writer because he's jealous that you just published a story. Maybe the person was just in a bad mood and felt like taking it out on someone. Whatever the reason, remind yourself that it had little to do with who you are.
Put yourself in the person's shoes. Understand where he is really coming from. Though the words will still sting, it might make you feel better. If your coworker yelled at you for no reason, but you remember that he is going through a divorce, then you'll start to be a bit more understanding, won't you?
Look for the grain of truth. Okay, so maybe the criticism was delivered in a way that was completely mean, unnecessary, and hurtful, and most of the things that were said were way off base. Maybe your co-worker said you were "a complete mess" or your friend said you were "totally selfish" for what you think was no reason at all. Take a minute to think about it, though: do you need to brush up on your organizational skills? Have you been known to be a little selfish from time to time? If so, then maybe you should reconsider your actions without getting hurt by the way the criticism was given.
Sure, it's very hard to take someone seriously if they are yelling at you, calling you names, or generally treating you with completely disrespect. This makes it nearly impossible to take a word they say seriously. But if you want to be the bigger person, try to find the underlying message if there is one.
Remember that words can never hurt you. What was that thing your mother told you about "sticks and stones" not being able to break your bones? Sure, you thought it was stupid in third grade, but now, you're a lot older, and it's starting to make sense. In the end, destructive criticism isn't made up of bullets, swords, or atomic bombs -- it's just a series of words connected together in a way designed to make you feel terrible. So, remind yourself that criticism only consists of a bunch of words.
Criticism can't steal your money, slap you across the face, or crash your car. So don't let it get to you.
Stay confident. The most important thing you can do is maintain your confidence. No matter what people are saying about you, you have to stay strong, remember who you are, and not let other people influence your own self-worth. Being confident doesn't mean thinking that you're flawless, but it does mean loving who you are and how you look. If you're truly confident, then you won't let haters get you down and make you think less of yourself.
If you're unhappy with who you are, ask yourself why. Make a list of a few things you don't like about yourself and figure out what you can change.
Being confident also means accepting the things you cannot change about yourself. So, you don't like that you're so tall. Do you plan on slouching for the rest of your life, or will you start to love your long legs after all?
Hanging out with people who make you feel good about yourself will also go a long way in making you feel more confident. If you're hanging with people who always bring you down, then yeah, you're not going to feel good about yourself.
Keep doing what you're doing. So...you've heard that someone said you're a brown-noser. Will you start participating less in class? Or your co-worker has told you you're too type A. Are you going to stop being who you are if it's working for you? Of course not. If you haven't received a valid criticism and know that what people are telling you is only only being said because of jealousy, anger, or mean-spiritedness, then there's no need to change your routine to please people.
If the criticism has no basis whatsoever, then the best thing you can do is to ignore it completely.
Don't feel bad if you're not able to push all of these negative words aside right away. It takes practice to stop caring about what people think.
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For example:Don't say: Eat more fats.Do say: Add fats with some nutritional value to the foods you already eat. Try olive oil, butter, avocado, and mayonnaise.
If the criticism is faulty, ignore what has been said or contact the person who sent the criticism.
Criticism means constructive advice pointing out your faults. If you are trying to deal with insults, read the articles in the related wikiHows.
You should be polite with people so that they will not use harsh words all the time.
Don't flat out tell the person they are wrong and should "stop flaming you", this doesn't make a difference whether they are right or not.
People might think you are weird if you tell people to criticize you.
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