Communication Skills
Communication Skills: Speaking and Listening
It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like &What about lunch?&
Winnie-the-Pooh
Effective spoken communication requires being able to express your ideas and views clearly, confidently and concisely in speech, tailoring your content and style to the audience and promoting free-flowing
communication.
Be clear and
concise. Vary your tone, pace
and volume to enhance the communication and encourage questions
Arriving at an agreement that is agreeable to both sides: a win:win situation. Back up your points with logic. Show tact to those you disagree with.
: presenting your message in an interesting way, structuring
your presentation, using audio-visual aids effectively and
building a rapport with your audience.
Communicating effectively in a
Ask for help when you need it. Research
suggests that asking for help with something (within reason) makes you more liked by the person you ask!
Good listening has an enormous quality of nowness. Helpful listening is a form of meditation.
David Brandon
Some people talk to animals. Not many listen though. That's the problem.
Winnie the Pooh
Be sensitive to the other person's body language as well as what they say:
eye contact,& gestures, appropriate humour and analogies.
Use appropriate body language yourself:
face the person with an open, attentive posture and maintain good eye contact (look at the speaker a lot, but don't stare all the time), smiling and nod your head from time to time.
The “Top Ten” Skills shortages among graduates
% of employers surveyed
Conceptual ability
Good general education
Source: Association of Graduate Recruiters “Skills for
Graduates in the 21st Century”
Listen attentively.
interest in what people are saying and don't interrupt them.
Be aware of any prejudices or misconceptions you or the speaker may have.
Good listening builds a rapport and understanding with the speaker and allows them
to freely express their views. It
motivates them to say more.
Poor listening makes assumptions, creates resistance and hostility, demotivates the speaker, inhibits their development and creates dependence on the listener.
ACTIVE LISTENING.
These reflect back what the speaker is saying in other words to clarify understanding: you paraphrase and repeat back key points.
They may summarise and bring new interpretations to the speakers words.
They show you're listening carefully and checks you are understanding correctly what they are saying allowing the speaker to confirm or correct your feedback.
They encourage the speaker to elaborate and to define their problems.
It is often the most useful way of giving positive feedback to someone: &I hear what you're saying and take it seriously&. You can't keep saying &uh-huh& or &yes& for too long without it sounding false.
People with a
musical quality to their speech (a big variation in pitch and rhythm called prosody) tend to be more empathic.
Lisa Aziz-Zadeh of the University of S. California found that people whose speech is most intonated, lilted or &sing-song&
have more ability to empathise with others and to convey emotion.
Empathy means being open to the ideas of others and
sensitive to their values and feelings: trying to see
things from the other person's perspective.
It is about demonstrating that you understand, that you can listen from other person's point of view and reflect their meaning
Each individual has
perspective which should be valued. We each occupy our own private world and never completely know what's going on inside other people's minds.
Be prepared to disclose your own
feelings and beliefs to encourage others to do the same: be
open with other people.
Questioning and gathering information
Question types to try to avoid
Closed Questions
Demand simple yes or no answers with no chance to elaborate.
gathering of information, fail to explore possibilities and get overly simple answers.
They typically start with: Could ..? Couldn't ...? Should ...? Would ...? Have ...?
Are ..? Is ...? Will ...?
They can sometimes be useful for quick checking of facts or to show that you have been listening carefully to the other person: &Now if I understood you correctly you meant that ....&
&Couldn't you have resigned?&
&Are you poor at exams?&
Leading questions
These are similar to closed questions.
They predict a particular answer and should be avoided
&You're bad at maths aren't you?&
Negative questions
These can sometimes be good for analysis but
may demotivate the
interviewee from talking.
&What went wrong?&
&Whose fault was it?&
Good question types
Open ended questions
These are prompts to get the other person to talk about a topic
They require longer, more detailed detailed answers, produce more, better quality information and open
up possibilities.
person crystallise their thoughts and help you to understand their
views, feelings and attitudes.
They may start with: How ... ? When ....? Where ....? What ....? Which ....? Why ....? Who ..? What ...? If ....?
&Tell me what you think about this?&
Probing questions
These delve more deeply into the interviewee's answers, and allow you to dig down to reach the important information.
&Tell me exactly what
your duties were at Bloggs & Co.&
What if questions
questions are used precisely because it's impossible to work out your
answer beforehand, thus it tests your ability to think
quickly, and reason logically.
&How would you deal with a staff member caught stealing a packet of biscuits from the shop?&
&How would you deal with an irate customer?&
Clarifying questions
These reflect back what the speaker is saying in other words to clarify understanding: you paraphrase and repeat back key points.
They may summarise and bring new interpretations to the speakers words.
They show you're listening carefully and checks you are understanding correctly what they are saying allowing the speaker to confirm or correct your feedback.
They encourage the speaker to elaborate and to define their problems.
If I heard you correctly, you felt very angry about the way you had been treated?
The Devil's Advocate
These questions are provocative. Often, they reflect the opposite view to the real view of the questioner and can lure out any hidden prejudices you may have.
&I think that the Government has made some really stupid decisions recently: don't you agree?&
If you have a difficult or complex question,
introduce it first with &I know this will be tough to answer so please
take your time&. This is more likely to elicit a considered response and doesn't
put the other person on the defensive.
Ask your question and try to stay silent until you get an answer: the longer it takes to get answer, the more powerful the answer is likely to be.
Jargon Oscars
The university of the present is hypermodernised and characterised as
diversified, liquefied, globalised, edgeless, marketised and
technologised. Source
A statistically risible exercise in neoliberal populism. (University of Brighton)
I am open to the initial nature of an assignment, I am decidedly
disposed that it be so oriented as to at least partially incorporate
the experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be configured so as to
ultimately lead to the application of more rarefied facets of financial
management as the major sphere of responsibility.
See our page on
for more examples of interview questions
Confirm and clarify
Ask yourself exactly what you want to gain from the conversation: a lack of clarity can lead to confusion and poor decisions.
Asking clarifying
questions: &How?&,
&Why?&, &When?&, &Who?&, &What?&, &Where?&, will help the other person crystallise their thoughts.
Summarise the main points in simple language.
Get the other person's agreement that your summary is accurate.
Define the
problem and then move the focus to the solution: separate
the points that relate to the problem and those that relate to the
Agree on the action you will both take:
even if this is that there will be no action. `
Jargon free language
A survey of managers by the Institute of Leadership
found that the most most irritating jargon/management speak phrases were &thinking outside the box&, &going forward& and &let's touch base&, so try to avoid such phrases when applying for jobs.
Use simple words and clear unambiguous language.
Be succinct: take time and effort to distill ideas to an absolute minimum.
Make simple points that everyone agrees on.
job titles
Partnership relationship manager
Person-centred transition facilitator
Social worker
Ambient replenishment controller
Shelf stacker
Head of services, infrastructure & procurement
Multimedia storyteller & experience architect
Journalist
Talent, employment relations, outsourcing & change manager
HR manager
Transformation & re-enablement project manager
Probation officer
Revenue protection officer
Ticket inspector
Graduate transitions facilitator
Careers adviser!
For more like this try our
Use the active not passive voice. &I
will send it to you& rather than &It will be sent to you&.
Avoid Jargon!
&We need to incentivize our best of breed to think outside the box in focusing our core competencies on mission critical key deliverables.&
BUT: &We should motivate our staff to use their skills on important tasks&.
For help with removing jargon see the
Giving feedback
Feedback has also been
called constructive criticism.
Only give feedback if the gain will exceed the pain: only use it for important things.
Praise more than you criticise! Identifying and developing strengths is more effective than focusing too much on negatives.
Constructive criticism which shows the person how they can improve. Not
&Debbie was hopeless!&, but &Debbie made some very useful contributions but
her voice was a bit quiet. I couldn't hear her very well, so she
needs to raise her voice a bit in future.&
It's a good idea to ask permission: &Do you mind if I give you some feedback?&. This gives the person time to prepare.
Try to give feedback immediately: on the spot if possible: it's most effective when fresh in the person's mind. The more quickly it is given the more relevance and power it will have.
Be direct and honest. Get quickly to the point, don't have long and embarrasing introductions, although starting with some genuine praise based on what the person has actually done will help (see the praise sandwich below).
Give feedback in private if at all possible, it's insensitive to do this in front of others.
Focus on the most concrete and recent example
Stick to a single clear issue, don't pack in too much criticism as this can be disheartening.
Don't repeat the same point over and over: this will just build up resentment.
Only criticise behaviours that can be changed: &You need to improve your computing skills&
rather than &You're stupid&!
Give feedback on
a person's behaviour
not about the person themselves. Give accurate descriptions of behaviour not comments about the person's qualities and worth as an individual: &You have been late for work a lot in the last month&rather than :&You're lazy&!
Don't compare the person with other people, as this can build jealousy: &Jane is always punctual&
not &You& statements: &I feel upset& not &You made me feel upset&.
Use specific examples. Don't say &You're hopeless at this&, say &We need to give you training on how to do this&!
describe the behaviour
describe your reaction
explain why you feel this way
show you understand what's behind their behaviour
suggest a different way of behaving
Stick to facts: describe behaviour but also what happened as a result.
The best decisions are those people reach for
themselves. Try not to tell the other person directly what they
should and shouldn't do.
Let them explore their behaviour and say
themselves what needs to be done. This avoids the build up of resentment.
Allow the criticised person to express any concerns they may have.
Use tentative words such as &sometimes& and &perhaps& rather than &always& and &never&: these allow the other person to avoid argument by saying that &always& is not strictly true.
Keep your emotions under control.
At the end, Check understanding: &Does what I've said make sense to you?& and summarise what you've agreed.
Talk openly about your own concerns if necessary.
Include positive comments. The praise sandwich can be an effective way to give criticism to someone without alienating them:
First make a positive statement to the person: &I think you are really trying your best&
criticism &But you need to structure your essay more logically&.
Make another positive statement
to finish &However it's a very good first attempt&
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
There are two types of people who don't say much: those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.
You can close more business in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get people interested in you.
Dale Carnegie
If you are recieving feedback youself,
try to accept it in a positive and non-defensive manner.
Giving Praise
Tell people something they have done that you like or what you like about them.
Give them thanks if they have done something for you. Even a simple thank you can make a big difference.
Give encouragement. If someone is not sure that they are able to do something, give them encouragement if you think they can do it.
Describe positive behaviour and it's effect in concrete terms &I really appreciate how you took the time to ....&
Respond to praise by thanking the person.
Helpful feedback
Unhelpful feedback
Is concrete and specific. It says precisely
what the other person is doing wrong e.g. &Your CV is 3 pages long, you need to reduce this to two pages.&
Is vague and abstract. It makes the person angry because the person is not
told how they can change things.
It talks about actions and says what people are doing rather than what they are e.g. &You dance really artistically& not &You're fantastic.&
Labels people: &You're stupid&
Makes &I& statements instead of giving blame or praise: &I felt angry when you spilt the tea& not &You're a clumsy idiot!&
Just blames or praises rather than being specific
Is given immediately: not hours or days later when neither of you can remember what happened.
May be delayed: by the time it is given, the person may have forgotten what you are talking about.
Apologising.
Being able to say sorry if you have done something wrong, but in an
rather than a passive way.
A study at the University of Utah found that if you ask someone why he is friendly with someone else, he&ll say it is because he and his friend share similar attitudes. But if you actually quiz the two of them on their attitudes, you&ll find out that what they actually share is similar activities. We&re friends with the people we do things with, as much as we are with the people we resemble. We don&t seek out friends, in other words. We associate with the people who occupy the same small, physical spaces that we do.
Malcolm Gladwell: The Tipping Point: How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference
Good conversations
tracked conversations of 79 students. They
assessed how many conversations were trivial and how many substantive, based on whether the information exchanged was banal: “Hot today isn't it?” or more serious: “I'm really worried about her relationship with him ...”.
The happiest subjects spent 70% longer
talking than the unhappiest ones, which suggests that “the mere time a person spends in the presence of others is a good predictor of the person’s level of happiness”.
The happiest participants also had twice as many substantive conversations and only a third as much small talk as those who were least content.
The authors suggest that adding five substantive conversations to your weekly social calendar could boost your spirits dramatically. “Just as self-disclosure can instill a sense of intimacy in a relationship, deep conversations may instill a sense of meaning in the interaction partners.”
Should be two way with both parties equally involved and interested. It is a shared experience. It is a partnership like a dance: you respond to each other's movements and are both winners.
Build them around respect: treat other people the way you want to be treated yourself. The atmosphere should feel comfortable: like plants, conversations need good ground to take root and flourish.
Talk about mainly positive things. People who talk about good news tend to cheer people up whereas people who always talk in negatives tend to depress the people they are talking to! Obviously there must be a balance, as sometimes we must talk about unhappy events, but make sure you don't do this too much. You wion't go far wrong if you use the old adage: &If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all!&
There should be a willingness
to be open on both sides. Each person has the opportunity to express their point of view and feelings. Relationships develop through conversations where we open up and exchange details to create closeness.
Always address someone by their first name if you know this. It shows that you are treating them as an individual.
A good conversation makes a difference; something useful happens and it has a satisfying conclusion.
Nod your head from time to time to encourage the speaker.
Leave spaces: stay silent for a few seconds. Don't
talk for too long: our attention only lasts a few minutes
before we need a break. Cut your story into bite sized chunks to allow
breathing space.
Make descriptions specific: don't generalise or use clichés. Be
precise and concrete.
Ask the speaker to elaborate on major points.
can improve the quality and accuracy of your conversations. Feed brief summaries back into the conversation.
When starting conversations show that you value the other person's attention: &I'd really like your opinion about .....&
Bad conversations
We make guesses and assumptions rather than
listening properly. Assumption is the enemy
assume that the other person is just like us. Avoid prejudice and presumption. Similarities between people make communication possible, but differences make it worthwhile.
We score points off each other and apply pressure.
Our opinions and feelings are denied: we feel under attack, ignored, patronised, put down and threatened.
Progression of conversations with people you don't know
The fundamentals of conversation haven't changed
much in 200 years. Even then there was a progression from small talk to more serious topics:&The hindrance thrown in the way of a very speedy intimacy .... prevented their doing more than going through the first rudiments of an acquaintance, by informing themselves how well the other liked Bath, how much she admired its buildings and surrounding country, whether she drew, or played, or sang, and whether she was fond of riding on horseback.&
Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen
Begin with light topics such as the weather and later move onto more serious topics.
Light conversation/small talk
Friendly gossip
Problem solving
Discussing deep subjects
Managing turn-taking when talking to another person
First the speaker makes eye contact
The speaker then looks away whilst speaking but makes eye contact from time to time to see whether listener wants their turn to speak
If the listener doesn't want to speak they will nod or break eye contact or say something like & uh huh& or &yes&
If the listener wants to to take their turn to speak they will look the speaker in the eye or lean forward or perhaps raise their finger in the air
found that what you say about others reveals as much about about you as the person you are describing. A person's tendency to describe other people in positive terms is an important indicator of the positivity of the person's own personality.
Students who rate their peers positively were found to
be trustworthy, nice, enthusiastic, happy, kind-hearted, courteous,
capable and emotionally stable. They reported greater life satisfaction, less depression, better grades
and were more liked by others. They were seen
as being agreeable and conscientious.
Women tended to
rate others more positively than men.
Those with negative opinions of others were more apt to be disagreeable, antisocial and narcissistic and were more likely to be depressed and
to have personality disorders.
“You stand to learn a number of things about a person from just observing whether the person describes others positively or not. Your words could reveal a lot about your own personality traits.” said Dustin Wood, assistant psychology professor.
Dustin Wood,
Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 2010; vol 99: pp 174-190.
Here are answers to the sort of question you might get on application forms or at interview to test your communication skills.
EVIDENCE FOR SPEAKING SKILLS
Joining a campus drama group.
Getting involved in a debating society.
Working as a receptionist in a vacation job
Can you give me an example of a time when you have had to argue your case and convince another person of its merits?
I had a lot of trouble managing my finances during my first year at University. I ignored the first couple of letters from the bank manager but eventually I had to meet her to explain the situation and persuade her to let me run quite a large overdraft until the end of the academic year.
Before I went to see the bank manager, I drew up a cash flow forecast to show how I would economise through the rest of the year & how much I would still need to spend on essentials. I also found a job in a pub for two evenings a week.
The bank manager was very impressed with my figures and let me have a larger overdraft than I'd expected! With my part-time job and another job in the summer vacation I managed to pay off the overdraft by the start of my second year. I won't say that I've never been in debt since because its quite hard to manage as a student, but I've never let my finances get out of control again.
How have you used your communication skills to persuade others to follow your lead?
I have been involved with the Parent-Teacher Association at the local primary school since my elder son first started there. The PTA organises a number of fund-raising events which have involved me in persuading people to buy raffle tickets, display posters in shop windows, donate prizes, etc. Three years ago, the PTA produced a book to mark the school's 25th anniversary and, as a member of the editorial committee, I helped to decide on the content and format of this book.
The school governors wanted an &official& history, but I represented the PTA in arguing that a collection of reminiscences of past pupils would be more readable and saleable. This was agreed and we then contacted ex-pupils through mailshots based on old school registers and features in the local newspaper and on local radio. The response was excellent and the only problem was in sifting and editing the letters we were sent.
I then negotiated with local printers to find the best quote and
persuaded local shops of all kinds (not just booksellers) to sell the publication.
for more about how to answer these types of question.
Interactive exercise and tips for group work exercises in assessment centres.
Quiz on non-verbal communication.
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